Help us, please 😂

So I notice whenever I go close to some guys, I perceive a particular odour. At times, the smell slaps me in the face and I literally see odour stars.  On one very fine day like that I was going so…

Source: Help us, please 😂

First

I am the first
Like Fatai, our neighbour’s son
Who I like
He never snitches
Whenever I take off the veil
I just love the sight of my hair in the mirror
Baba ignores me whenever I begin to ask questions
I’ve been told,
Girls shouldn’t talk too much
But me,
I’m a parrot
That is what Fatai calls me

One day,

Usman came

Mama went to the hospital with a big tummy

She brought back a baby

Usman is a boy

He has a peepee like Fatai

Since Usman arrived

Mama smiles often

Baba stays home more than before

Kaaka now stays with us

She is helping raise her grandson
Who she calls ‘little man’
Baba too started doing same
The day he got ill

He cried all day

Yet he is Baba’s little man

Last time I broke my arm
I was just a girl
And I didn’t even cry
When the doctor gave me a shot

I am a Girl

I am a girl

My hourglass shape shows it

My perky boobs signal it

My swaying backside displays it

My curvaceous hips speak it

I dazzle

I mesmerize

Wait,

Before you ravish me,

I am also smart

My grades can compete with the eagle

I will soon be an Engineer

Before I become the President

I have dreams

I have aspirations

I am not just Voluptuous

I am a nation

I Made It

They told me I was bound to fail
Even though I worked hard enough
Putting in extra time
Trying all I can to meet up
I believed them

They said I was chasing shadows
I struggled with the assignments
couldn’t contribute my quota to group presentation
I just couldn’t catch up
I believed them

They said I was only passing time
Getting the research done was hectic
Documenting the process was strenuous
Taking time off work was challenging
I believed them

Until I remembered something
God is bigger than my limitations
HE sees beyond my limited view
HE has it under control
I believed HIM

Here I am
Laughing at the world
As I celebrate
I made it
God did it

Queer Love

Nobody has to deal with this, especially not me. I have wondered why I never seem to be good enough for him. If only I can talk to him about it. I wish I didn’t have to keep quiet and put on a false smile, pretending all is well. If only he will be bold enough to reveal his true person.

……………………………………….

The thought of spending another day in this boring environment makes me cringe. It is only in my institution that staff go on internal strike and students are advised to stick around because it may be called off anytime. It is as if they can’t make up their mind whether the strike action is worth it or not. No wonder Eric always refers to my school as a “glorified secondary school”, it is worse than a glorified secondary school sef.

I was still trying to figure out what to do while we waited just to remain sane since going home wasn’t even an option (we resumed just last week) when Wendy, my roomie announced she was travelling to Ibadan to visit her boyfriend. At first I thought she was kidding because whatever plan I ended up with included her being around. When I realized she wasn’t, I tried to convince her to stay. I even offered to help her with some of her assignments that were due for submission as soon as we resumed fully but she wouldn’t budge. Apparently, her boyfriend had invited her to come spend some days with him since he was unable to visit her at home during the holidays. Ibk was a final year medical student at the University of Ibadan and he had not had the chance to see Wendy as often as he used to, so the invite was like a ticket to Venice for Wendy.

As I watched Wendy pack her bag in preparation for her journey to Ibadan, I realized how boring my relationship had become. There had been a strain between Eric and me for a while and it appeared like we were both waiting for who would pull the plug and call the whole thing off. How did we even get to that point? I was lost in my reverie when Wendy declared she had a grand idea on how best to spend the imposed holiday. She suggested I paid a surprise visit to Eric in Lagos and maybe that would help us fix the broken cord in our relationship, since one of the things we both complained about was distance. As good as that suggestion was, I didn’t like the sound of it. Eric hated surprises, he liked having everything planned out and what if he was not around? I voiced my worry to Wendy who advised that I called him to confirm if he was around and that no matter how much he hated surprises he would be glad to see me.

Eric confirmed he was around and I headed to Lagos in Wendy’s company. We parted ways in Ibadan and she wished me luck as I journeyed on. I arrived Lagos around 5’ o clock in the evening and headed to Eric’s apartment at Iyana-Paja. On getting to the apartment, I hesitated at the door and had to rethink my decision. It was not too late to go to my aunt’s place at Ikeja, she would be glad to see me. But before I had the opportunity of turning back, the door opened in my face and there I was staring right at Eric who was clearly surprised and confused at the same time. We stood facing each other for what would have been minutes before a voice from inside asked him why he was standing at the doorway instead of going out like he had said. It was then he spoke, he ushered me into the room and I discovered the voice behind the door was Dayo’s, his childhood friend who I do not really like. Dayo was also surprised to see me and accused Eric of not informing him I would be visiting. Eric didn’t say a thing, he simply motioned me towards the bedroom. I was almost shaking.

I expected him to scream at me or just tell me politely to leave, I would have hurried my way out but he didn’t do any of that. He took one long look at me and hugged me tightly. The hug caught me by surprise, I wanted to talk but the words just wouldn’t form. He told me he needed to see one of his neighbours and he would be back as soon as possible. I shut the door behind him as I undressed to take a cold shower.

……………………………….

A wave of panic hit me. Where could he have gone to? I had woken up in the middle of the night and noticed that Eric had left the bed. Thinking he must have gone to the living room to work on some stuffs, I stood up to go and check on him but here I was facing an empty room. I checked the kitchen, toilet and bathroom and he was nowhere to be found. Then it occurred to me to check the other room where Dayo was sleeping, who knows he might be there working on a project with Dayo. As I moved closer to the door, I could hear Dayo’s heavy snoring and I knew I had to be careful opening the door. Eric is a light sleeper, if he was asleep I didn’t want him waking up to see me sneaking around, checking on him. I opened the door quietly and there they were.

I was confused at the sight before me, here was Eric bare chested wrapped around Dayo who was naked on the bed. Thoughts and ideas clashed in my head, what exactly was happening? I wanted to shake Eric out of his sleep and ask for explanation, I needed answers to all the question assailing me. I decided against it and retreated back to Eric’s room. I couldn’t sleep anymore, I desperately wanted an explanation but I knew I wasn’t going to get any because I had made up my mind on what to do and it didn’t include a question and answer session. Just before dawn, Eric walked back into the room and gently took his position on the bed. It took lots of restrain for me not to slap his hands away when he wrapped it around me to draw me closer.

The next day, I prepared breakfast and watched the two of them eat happily chatting about their plans for the day. Eric promised to return home early enough so we could spend some quality time together. I walked them to the car and waved as they drove off. I took a long shower and packed my bag which I had unpacked yesterday and waited for noon. At exactly 2pm, I headed towards my aunt’s place never to return to Eric.
His call came in around 5pm with a worried tone. I simply told him my aunt needed me so I had to go. I had hid his key in the flowerpot, I told him where to find it and dropped the call before he could say anything. He has been trying to get me to talk to him since then but I just can’t. I don’t know how to start that conversation. You never really think about issues like this until it happens to you or it happens to someone close to you. You do not know how to handle certain issues neither do you know what your reaction will be. You might have been indifferent until you realize it is staring you in the face.

What do you do when you realize that your boyfriend is bisexual? Do you hate him for it? Do you throw it in his face? Do you confront him with the truth and watch him admit or deny it? Do you ignore it totally and move on with your life or you expose his weakness to the world? How does one go on living?

In My Country

In my country, our government is really trying. They want to do so many things for us. They are trying to make the country a better place for everyone to live in. In fact, the major thing our leaders think of is how to make this country a comfortable home for everyone.

Our government is very thorough in all they do, which is why our 2016 Budget needs to have various editions. The National Assembly has to look at the various editions that ends up on their table and pick that which best suits the nation. For those complaining about the huge figures appearing all over the budget, you should put in mind that exchange rate is now very high and desperate times call for desperate measures. By the way, our creativity in appropriating #BudgetofYams to the budget is a very brilliant one. Yam is the king of crops. Spending so much will only result in getting better results. Nigeria might just be the biggest economy in Africa after all. Be patient

The war against corruption is so effective that we are denying our looters freedom. It doesn’t matter if they’ve not been convicted in the court of law or if they have even been granted bail. Why would anyone want freedom after stealing billions of Naira from every one of us? In fact, the people and the press should chair their trials and pass deserving judgments. We do not take corruption lightly.

Whoever accuses our leaders of not listening to the plight of the masses is just being ignorant because our leaders are the greatest listeners. They listen to everything we say and they act in accordance. Nigerians have once complained about paying for services not rendered by the Electricity Agency (right from NEPA to DISCOs) and now the government has produced a lasting solution to that. You no longer have to pay a fixed price for electricity supply that didn’t get to you, you only have to pay for what is consumed. Again, you shouldn’t mind the hike in the tariff, something good comes at a high cost and by the way, exchange rate is high. So, deal with it and give a thumb-up to the only minister with three portfolios.

Just the other day, our president succeeded in imploring Nigerians in diaspora to return and those at home to stay put just so we can build the nation together instead of ending up in jail in the white man’s land. It doesn’t matter if the white man thinks we are all criminals because our president said most of us are in jail. After all, you can’t fault a man for giving an honest opinion about issues. The white man has to know that investing in our country is bad market, after all, we are criminals and it takes a criminal to handle another criminal.

The latest of it all is the fantastic idea by the government to start feeding primary school pupils. It is one of the things that point to the fact that our leaders never forget their promises. Power does not make them forget. They just wait for the right time to execute their plans. The feeding exercise will kick-off very soon. The government just signed a deal with NASCO Foods to provide biscuit for these pupils. No one thinks better than our leaders do, they are trying to curb stealing and witchcraft. Kids steal from their parents just so they can impress their friends by buying enough biscuits during break time. With this grand plan by the government, kids will stop stealing. No point trying to impress anyone with biscuit if you are all going to eat it for lunch. Also, remember when our mums used to be scared of someone initiating us by giving us biscuits to eat? They no longer have to worry, the biscuits are free and safe for all to eat. Voila! Our kids are free from stealing and witchcraft. And for parents who can’t afford buying biscuit for their children, at least the government is helping out.

Cheers to the government who have given us the Change we deserve…

Aderonke Adegoke,

@adeoladegoke

Nigeria.

+2347031584700

N.B This sarcastic write-up is an intellectual property of the writer. Permission to use this on any platform is rightly reserved to the writer.

Never Again

The bloods of our brethren

Splatter across the street

Painting every corner

In crimson

A sad yet alluring sight to behold

It beckon to us

It whispers

‘Touch me’

The warmness of the blood

The coldness of the flesh

Blood craving for attention

The flesh stings

In drops, it trickle

Our eyes decides to make a fool of us

We weep

While the world watch

No one offer us solace

Seen their own share of terror

Each have their own cross to bear

We were left to nurse our own wounds

Bury our own dead

The shovels and spades moved tirelessly

We spoke only in thoughts

After hours that seems like years

We nod in approval of our effort

Everyone retreats to their own coven

With a solemn Oath

Inked right on our chest

Sealed with the blood of our loved ones

NEVER AGAIN

Violated

“Here, from her ashes you lay. A broken girl so lost in despondency that you know that even if she does find her way out of this labyrinth in hell, that she will never see, feel, taste, or touch life the same again.”
― Amanda Steele, The Cliff

She opened her door to him and he came in, sat down and began conversing, laughing like they had always done the past six months. He had been a friend she had relied upon ever since they met on a rainy morning on her way to work and he had kindly offered her a ride.

It was her birthday and she decided a dinner at her place was better than his idea of eating out that night. They had visited at each other’s houses couple of times and she felt like sharing her day with a friend she did care about and not with lots of people she didn’t really care very much to hang out with. It felt great to do something different for a change and spend time with a friend whom she felt very comfortable being around.

He insisted he did not want her to go through the stress of cooking a meal as it was her special day, so he had picked up dinner from a Chinese restaurant. The meal was just as she had expected; very delicious. She smiled as she recalled a time she had convinced him to try out her favorite Chinese meal and the funny faces he made as he confessed that Chinese food was really not his thing. He had been pleasantly surprised at how good the food had been and his face showed amazement as he enjoyed every bit.

She made her way to the kitchen to pick up the wine from the fridge. She was rinsing the glasses when she sensed him standing behind her. She was startled but kept her composure. She turned around and asked why he liked sneaking up on her. He grinned as usual, collected the glasses from her and led her to the living room.

They enjoyed the wine and she babbled to keep the conversation flowing and make herself feel at ease. He was already making her nervous with his silence and excessive grins. He inched closer to her on the couch and placed his hands on her thighs. She tried to move away but his other held her shoulders and prevented her from moving away.

She looked up at him and was about to tell him she wanted him to stop holding her when his lips crushed on hers. She tried to push him away but he kept a strong grip on her. Before she knew it, his hands were groping all over her body touching her and squeezing intimate parts of her body. She kicked, scratched and even tried to bite him; all to no avail.

Right there, in her own living room, she was raped by the man she had trusted for six months. After satisfying his urge, he left her wriggling in pain and sobbing heavily. He stormed out of the house without looking back. How could he? What could have prompted a friend to behave in such a beastly way? He had never showed any romantic interest in her. She could not understand why he decided to force himself on her. She would not have rejected him if he had made any romantic overtures at her or asked to take their relationship to the next level.

For days, she couldn’t step out of the house. She couldn’t bring herself to face the world after being violated. She felt like ending her own life.

Her friends tried to contact her but she switched off her phone. Three days after the incident, her closest friend at work, Bisola, came looking for her. Bisola knocked and shouted her name several times but she ignored her. Bisola had to threaten to break down her door before she let her in.  She opened the door for Bisola and couldn’t hold back tears.  Bisola looked bewildered at her state and frantically asked her what the problem was and if everything was alright.

Bisola hugged her and led her to the couch and allowed her to sob for several minutes, regain her composure before she began to probe her again on what happened.

She narrated her ordeal to her friend and observed a strange look on Bisola’s face as she continued with the story. Bisola looked shocked. When she finally spoke, she asked how her friend could claim she had been raped by the guy everyone thought she was dating. Bisola felt she was making up the story and that the story sounded unbelievable.

She couldn’t believe Bisola doubted her story. This hurt her as deeply as the violation of her body. She felt nobody would believe her story if she mustered the courage to speak out when her own dear friend Bisola could not believe her.

She felt deeply saddened that she had made a wrong decision to trust her male friend and invite him to her house.  She hadn’t asked to be raped neither did she ever imagine such level of betrayal from a friend she trusted. This should never have happened to her.

This Hero has Fallen😂😂

When the earth stops
To spit out a gem
From the centre of it’s existence
We cannot but wonder
What the earth was thinking

How could it lias coldly
With death thus coldly
To take away this gold
In the process of his finesse

We cannot but wonder
Why the dawn of a new day
Heralds the end of ones era
Oh earth, thou has lost
A precious gem to the land beyond

There were words he left unsaid
Emotions he was waiting to show
Impact he was training to make
Things he was planning to do

Tears flow in reminiscence
Hands write of the condolence
Hearts weep for the non existence
Of a literary icon
…A living pen

Like unripe figs dropping
From a fig tree shaken by a great wind
This star has fallen
This sun has gone bleak
This new page is blank
Can this void be…

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Shattered Dreams

I couldn’t help wondering why I had to do it. What forces were at play when I selfishly destroyed myself? “Writing it down should help”, at least that was what Dr. Albert my physician said. Obviously it’s not helping; because each time I think of everything, the pains and hurt chokes me. I want to give up.
As I sat on the sofa, bringing back the memories I’ve tried so hard to lock in a part of my brain. I can still feel the chill of that August morning, the sound of the rain hitting the roof. Dan came out of his room and stood eyeing me like a lion ready to pounce on its prey, the anger reflects seen in his eyes. I actually thought heaven would be my next stop as I waited for him to snap life out of me.
“You actually think I’ll raise my hands at you Kate?” He bellowed. Dan isn’t a violent guy, he has never hit me but this is a different case. I have never seen him this angry and I wouldn’t be surprised if he hit me for the first time since we’ve been together.
What more could he do that would be enough to pay me back in the selfish way I’ve decided to ruin us. Then it hit me, he is going to call off the relationship. “Please don’t do this Dan” I pleaded. Life without Dan is something I’ve never imagined and I can’t deal with that, not at this stage.
As he watched me pleading and sobbing, his humanity surfaced. I felt before I saw his features soften. Yet I know within me that whatever we had, is over and trying to patch things up will worsen the situation. He spoke in a voice that was barely a whisper “Kate don’t do this to us, we both know this is over. Let’s stop hurting each other.” Part of me wanted to rush to him and tell him I’m not hurt but that would have been a lie, we are both hurting. The last thing I need is for Dan to leave me, I had thought we will be able to weather this storm and come out stronger.
Dan stopped caring the day he stumbled upon the darkest secret of my heart. Two months earlier, I realized I was pregnant. I was afraid.My first thoughts were what my strict parents will think of me. I have almost concluded plans to go for my postgraduate studies in Australia and here is a baby who wants to get in the way of a planned future. So I let my selfish interest take over my sense of judgement. I decided to go for an abortion without informing Dan about the baby.
Unfortunately for me, I wrote that dark tale of my life in my diary and Dan stumbled on it. He was hurt beyond measure, he felt betrayed. He couldn’t understand why I decided to murder the beautiful life growing in me without his consent. It was his decision as well as mine to make. Since then, he stopped caring; he couldn’t look me straight in the eye.
Slowly I rose up with was left of my dignity and set out of his apartment without looking back. I ran as far as my legs could carry me, my dream is gone and the future I had planned with Dan, gone, because of my selfish interest.
All attempts to get Dan to take me back didn’t work out. There is simply nothing I can do to right my wrong. I didn’t know the baby would have meant so much to him nor do I know he would have made sure I make every dream I thought the baby would hinder.
Dr Albert said I needed to forgive myself and think of the nice things life can still offer me. It’s a month now and I still can’t think of anything nice because I killed an innocent baby and lost my dream guy. My life is simply on hold.

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